#points off for using the same meme twice in the same day

[gilbertscurls]

live from tour: the simp — chris sturniolo

“Alright, next question!” Matt grinned as he leaned into the mic, scanning the crowd of eager fans seated for the VIP soundcheck. The venue echoed with soft murmurs and squeals, the faint thrum of pre-show excitement buzzing in the air.

Nick leaned back in his chair, balancing the mic lazily on his knee like a seasoned rockstar, while Chris sat between them, practically bouncing in his seat.

"Hi!" A girl from the second row stood up. "This one's for all three of you—what's your favorite thing to do on your days off during tour?"

Matt nodded like it was a solid question. “I like finding weird thrift shops in random cities,” he said. “Like, if it looks like it might have been haunted in the 1970s, I’m going in.”

"Yeah," Nick agreed, “and I usually end up buying some really questionable vintage jacket that I think looks cool but makes me look like a ‘70s magician.”

Chris raised his mic, smile already tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Well, personally…” he began, stretching the word out like he was savoring it, “my favorite thing to do is FaceTime Y/N.”

A few people in the crowd let out soft “awwws” while Matt’s head whipped toward him like a bird spotting a snack.

Nick squinted. “You mean to tell me we’ve been in Chicago for 24 hours, surrounded by Chicago-style pizza and majestic old buildings, and your highlight was a FaceTime call?”

Chris didn’t even blink. “She showed me her cat in a little sweater. It was life-changing.”

Matt snorted, barely holding back a laugh. “You’re down cat bad.”

The fans cracked up as Chris waved him off, though the blush spreading across his face betrayed him.

“No, no, wait,” Nick leaned forward, feigning seriousness. “You mean the same Y/N who called during dinner last night and Chris answered on speakerphone in the middle of the restaurant like we weren’t actively being stared at by half the staff?”

“She had an emergency!” Chris defended.

“What was the emergency again?” Matt asked, smirking.

“She couldn’t remember if she liked blueberries or blackberries better.”

“Oh, crucial life moment,” Nick deadpanned. “We’re lucky you saved her.”

The crowd erupted with laughter again, and Chris held his mic up like a shield. “You guys don’t understand, okay? Y/N is funny and smart and—”

“—and clearly holding you hostage,” Matt interrupted.

Nick leaned toward the crowd conspiratorially. “Blink twice if you’re okay, Chris.”

Chris rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide the grin on his face. “You’re all just jealous you don’t have someone who sends you memes that are actually funny.”

“Oh, I see,” Matt said. “So when you were laughing uncontrollably in the back lounge yesterday and said it was ‘a podcast moment,’ that was actually a Y/N meme?”

“I plead the fifth,” Chris mumbled into his mic.

Nick leaned back, fake-exasperated. “Man’s in his Lover Era and dragging us all into the montage.”

“She’s got him in a chokehold,” Matt added, miming it dramatically.

Chris folded his arms. “You know what? I hope Y/N sees this clip. She deserves to know how bullied I am.”

Matt turned to the crowd. “Someone please record this and send it to her. Title it: ‘Chris Can’t Go Five Minutes Without Saying Y/N.’”

“Oh, that should’ve been the tour name!” Nick gasped.

“The Y/N World Domination Tour,” Matt declared, pointing at the invisible marquee. “Starring: Chris and the two bitter side characters.”

Chris shook his head, but his smile gave him away. “Whatever, keep laughing. At least I have someone who’ll make me banana bread when I get home.”

“Okay, now that’s unfair,” Matt muttered. “No one’s ever made me banana bread.”

“I’ve never even touched a banana that wasn’t a smoothie,” Nick added, scandalized.

The girl who’d asked the question was still standing, beaming, as Chris finally looked back at her and said, “So yeah. On our days off, I hang out with Y/N. It’s the best part of my day. Sorry, not sorry.”

Nick turned his mic toward her. “We regret to inform you the question was hijacked.”

“Please direct all further inquiries to Y/N, since clearly she’s the fourth Sturniolo Triplet now,” Matt added, pretending to scoot his chair over to make room.

Chris gave a little bow. “She says thank you.”

The crowd roared. Somewhere, probably already recording a reaction TikTok to this moment, Y/N was laughing her head off—knowing full well that no matter how far Chris traveled or how loud the fans screamed, she was still the main character in his mind.

And, to be fair, she did send some pretty elite memes.

tag list: @stuwniolo, @sturnobsessedwh0re, @matts-myloverboy, @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut, @lizzymacdonald06, @asherrisrandom, @sturniolowhore69, @faith5drpepper, @emely9274, @psychologyloverfr, @lovetaylorrussellgrr, @conspiracy-ash, @helpimateenagerinlove, @ghostlythinggoingaround, @sturmatt, @chris-hallelujah, @goingtojohnkramershouseee, @wurlibydominicfike, @shadowthesim237, @courta13, @frankdelreyy, @evansturn, @bamsblooming, @backwardshatnick

[ririright]

“Sole Mate: Hayden & His Unstoppable Yeezys”

Husband! Hayden x Wife Reader (Headcannons)

❤︎ The “I Love Them” Defense

Hayden first sees the Yeezys online and is immediately captivated by the bold, mismatched colors.

“They’ve got character!” he insists, excitedly clicking “Add to Cart.”

When they arrive, he’s genuinely thrilled, trying them on and admiring them in the mirror.

You walk in, take one look, and burst out laughing.

“Oh my God, Hayden, what are those?”

“They’re iconic,” he defends with a playful pout, striking a dramatic pose.

“You just don’t get high fashion.”

❤︎ Fan Reactions

He makes the mistake of wearing them in a candid paparazzi photo, and the internet immediately has a field day.

Fans on Twitter flood his mentions with memes, comparing the shoes to traffic cones, hot Cheetos, and an exploded art palette.

His Instagram comment section is a mix of love and lighthearted teasing:

“Hayden, blink twice if they forced you to wear those.”

“Bestie… the shoes…”

“Respectfully, sir, those look like they’re made of melted crayons.”

❤︎ Your Relentless Teasing

You’re merciless. Every time he puts them on, you squint dramatically.

“Babe, are you sure you don’t need sunglasses to look at those?”

You threaten to hide them, but Hayden just laughs, pulling you into a hug. “You wouldn’t dare.”

When you’re both going out, you’ll jokingly say, “Should I grab my shades? The shoes are coming with us, right?”

❤︎ His Adorable Pride

Despite the teasing, he proudly wears them everywhere—walking the farm, taking Barron to the park, even on a casual date with you.

Somehow, with his easy confidence and that handsome grin, he actually makes them look… good.

In photos, he pairs them with his simple jeans and a plain shirt, letting the shoes be the star of the show. And fans hate to admit it, but he really does pull them off.

❤︎ Barron’s Honest Opinion

Your son is brutally honest. When Hayden first wears the Yeezys, Barron wrinkles his nose. “Daddy, they’re so bright!”

“That’s called style, buddy.”

A week later, Barron asks for his own colorful shoes “just like Daddy’s.” Hayden beams with pride.

❤︎ He Finds His People

At a fan event, someone shows up wearing the exact same Yeezys, and Hayden’s face lights up.

They take a picture together, Hayden pointing to their shoes with the biggest grin.

“See?” he tells you later. “I’m not alone.”

“You’re a trendsetter, babe.”

❤︎ “Yeezy, Not Easy” Argument

Once, while going out for a family dinner, you begged him to wear a nicer pair of shoes

“Sweetheart, please, I promise you can wear them tomorrow.”

“But they go with everything!” he insists, stubbornly slipping them on anyway.

You sigh dramatically, but he grins, walking up and kissing you until you’re laughing.

❤︎ The Signature Walk

Hayden’s walk is already confident, but when he’s wearing the Yeezys, there’s a little extra swagger.

He claims it’s just the perfect cushioning, but you know it’s because he feels like a rockstar.

❤︎ Secret Compliments

Despite the teasing, you once caught one of his friends quietly complimenting the shoes

“Dude, those are actually kinda cool.”

Hayden played it cool, but the second he got home, he told you all about it with the giddiness of a kid.

❤︎ Yeezy-Related Complaints

Sometimes, you’ll find him muttering in the closet because he can’t decide which outfit matches the shoes best.

“Too much pattern… not enough color… No, I’m overthinking this.”

Once, he asked if you thought the Yeezys were “too much” for a casual dinner. You just stared at him, and he burst out laughing. “Okay, fair point.”

❤︎ Special Cleaning Ritual

He has a dedicated shoe cleaning kit just for the Yeezys. Brushes, wipes, even a special cleaner for the vibrant colors.

You once joked that he spends more time pampering those shoes than his hair.

“Well, the shoes don’t have a natural, effortlessly messy look. They need help.”

❤︎ The Battle of the Closet Space

His Yeezys have a designated spot on the shoe rack—front and center.

Once, you tried moving them to the back, but Hayden noticed immediately.

“Who moved the masterpieces?” he gasped, dramatically rearranging them to their place of honor.

❤︎ Sneaky Customization

You once secretly swap out the laces for some ridiculous neon rainbow laces as a prank.

He’s stunned when he sees them but decides he loves the look and keeps them.

“Wow… you’ve just made them better.”

❤︎ A Quiet, Sweet Confession

One night, when it’s just you two cuddled up on the couch, he admits why he loves the shoes so much.

“I know they’re silly… but they make me feel like… me. You know? Like I don’t have to try to be cool.”

You kiss his cheek, your heart melting.

“You don’t. You’re always cool to me.”

[sadlynotthevoid]

An enstars social media fic with outsider pov included (aka, fans and the public) must be very funny because then you'd have:

• Random no idol fan person asking why is a highschooler going around with a sword.

• Video compilation of Rei Sakuma acting like a vampire.

• Video compilation of Rei Sakuma acting like an old man.

• Conspiracy theories about Eichi Tenshouin and how he "is totally hiding something guys. I don't trust him!"

• "Yes. Wataru. He's hiding Wataru. Look at his hair! That guy can't be human." As a reply to above.

• Alkaloid spotted accounts because they still believe they're not actually famous.

• Regarding the above point, Mayoi's photos are mostly purple blurs or dark corners where you can see a figure who somehow the fans know it's Mayoi.

• Aira's are taken mostly at idol events— others' idol events. A moment you're waiting in the line with your friend, the next you look back and realize the dude behind is Aira from Alkaloid.

• Tatsumi is greeting or smiling at the person behind the camera in most of his, except when he's getting out of a car. Then he's smiling the brightest— and everyone else is pretty much not.

• Hiiro's are a mix of 'spending time with friends/his brother' or a selfie with the person with the camera after he almost gave them a heart attack by dissapearing and reappearing right next to them.

• Shun's accounts in anywhere having an apparently random number added at the end. It actually is the number of the times he had to get a new account to the date.

• Madara fans putting his face in cowboy pictures and cowboy memes the same.

• Madara putting his face in cowboy memes himself and refusing to use normal ones.

• Kanata logging in once a month to post the name of a submarine creature and nothing else during the rest of the day. Sometimes with a picture for reference, which can vary from a photo of the species to a bad drawing of a fish.

• Madara evolving to put his face on mom memes.

• Someone jokingly asking Madara if he can adopt them and getting a positive answer. But they have to call him Mama.

• Hiyori's fans asking him every morning what's the veredict. If he answers Good Hiyori, they rejoice and act like they're going to have a great day. If the answer is Bad Hiyori, they rejoice and take meassures to prepare themselves for a shitty day.

• No one knows if they actually have good or bad days as per Hiyori's answer.

• Occasionally, Hiyori is going to reply with a Good Hiyori but remind to take their umbrellas anyway.

• In an interview, Hiiro is made a question about what song did he enjoy performing the most and he answers sunny trip summer. Immediately Aira affirms that is because he wants to eat lemons. The conversation sidetracks and now no one know if that is the real reason or not, just that Hiiro likes lemons a lot.

• "Alkaloid sidetracking compilation" and the video is four hours long.

• Sakuma Ritsu falling asleep video compilation.

• The rest of Crazy:B exposing Rinne for fun and revenge every so often. It goes from stories from when he just arrived to the city (once he got Niki really pissed off) to his latest act of brotherly pride to, one time he made HiMERU snap, finding any embarrasing moment of his and @-ing Hiiro at it.

• [Many days] since Eichi had to be ingressed into the hospital.

• Hokuto-senpai.

• Knights posting a photo of a small part of the lyrics for their new song:

"what kind of writing tool is that?"

"is that ketchup?"

"why is it written in ketchup"

"Mustard doesn't have the same effect."

• "If I had a nickel for every time [an idol used ketchup to write on non-edibles] I'd had two nickels, which is not a lot but is weird it happened twice".

• "It happens more than you'd think". Actual ES member response.

• People asking Koga to recreate the fight with the guitar.

[court-jobi]

Tuning Out, Tuning In

((banner by me! I don't own Horikoshi's characters or this art))

Pairing: Bakugou x reader (biker!pro hero, some afab pronouns used)

Words: 5.1K

Rating: T+ (language, bc obviously)

Warnings: Pro-Hero Bakugo/Pro-Hero Reader, cursing as a love language, insecurities, arguing, use of hearing aids (not an expert!), light hurt/comfort, she falls first-he falls harder

Summary:

So he's got context clues down. Smart, but not convincing enough. He's still not hearing you- because he can't.  You check on your Katsuki after an unannounced leave of absence, only to discover the true reason why is the source of a mighty insecurity of his that he's expertly kept you out of the loop of till now. He's defensive and mean- uncharacteristically so, towards you when you find out. It's heart-wrenching when he realizes he's snapped at you, and gutting when you love him through it.

A/N: *Can be read as a follow-up in the 'Backpack Privileges' universe, but not necessarily a series. Just how I envision these babies evolving~

For my My Hero Academia Masterlist, check it out here!

Read on AO3

News from the girls at the scheduling counter is  that Dynamight was actually putting in PTO for the first time this calendar year.

Sure he’s worked hard, but when doesn’t he? It wasn't like he expended so much energy from his last rescue call that he was too tired or anything when you’d last seen him… so the time off request surprised you. Katsuki Bakugou never took time off, even when he’s congested to the point of sounding like a wounded seagull and hacking up a lung.

You called to check on him the first day he was out, but it went unanswered; he texted back instead that he was in the middle of eating and asked what you needed. You told him to rest up, and he proceeded to spam you with the same angry animal memes as always. 

At the office, things were at a surprising lull by the end of the week, with Kirishima on your right on the sofa scrolling through some mods Hatsume had for him to review. Meanwhile, you took the rather unprofessional route and scrolled on your phone. Your retort to Kiri’s tutting over the bad habit was that you knew the higher ups were off with Jeanist at some press junket, and you could risk it. Called you a naughty thing, how Bakugou was rubbing off on you. You’re sure even at your hangriest you’re not that prickly. 

An instinct, you try calling Bakugou again, this time on speakerphone. It’s been a whole workweek, after all. It rings twice, then straight to voicemail. You end the call before recording anything, and fuss at the phone in your hand. 

“Ok, Kiri? This is weird.”

“Hm? What is?”

“He’s never answering,” you lock the phone habitually, “-and I mean never. No ‘hi’, no ‘whaddya want’; did he lose his voice or something?”

Kirishima finally breaks focus to look at you, questioning, “Bakubro?”

“Yeah, he hasn’t– not that I’m trying every day or anything, but it’s been almost a week of nothing and-” 

-your phone dings: one new preview of a message from ‘Backpack’ lights your lockscreen, and your frustration ramps up to 60.

“-Then he freakin’ texts– like two seconds later!! What the actual hell is going on with him?!”

Kirishima just snorts.

“Maybe he’s taking a dump~”

“He would not text me on the toilet.”

“All men do it.”

“KIRI.” you swat his foot off the couch that’s laid out towards you, crossing yours while he cackles behind his ipad’s screen.

“Oh cmon, he’s fine! He’s just taking a breather~” Kirishima presses you with an assuring look you’re inclined to buy, because his delivery is just that sweet, “Doesn’t really take time off much anymore, so if he did, he probably needs it. Been doing a lot of those muscle contracts, which pays well! But it’s no joke how much it takes out of you– Kamui wants him, Rocklock wants him-”

You do worry about the workload Bakugou is  under given all the names Kirishima rattles off, but your boy’s assured you it’s all part of his drive. That, and he says Bakugou’s saving up for something important for work, but doesn’t disclose more than that.

You don’t press when Bakugou puts up a wall– knowing full well he tells you things when he’s ready.  Till now, he’s not given an indication that he doesn't distrust you with anything- not even his life. You have each other’s backs, and that’s an honor that you value and reciprocate. Perhaps it’s by that faith in one another that you should grant him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe one of these days under another starry sky from the back of your bike, he may share his whats and hows and whys to that sweet spot behind your ear, disguising his secrets with yet another kiss he saves for when you’re alone.

But this silence is really throwing you a curveball. Katsuki’s voice is just one of the many things you’ve come to adore about him. When you confessed that little thought to him, he turned a soft answer -a promise- that he’d answer when you called, day or night. It’s a gruff, punchy sound when you hear it over coms, or even through your shared helmets; but it’s also rumbling, constant, soothing when you hear it fitted against your ear. 

You never thought you’d even miss Dynamight’s passive aggressive screaming so much– until you don’t have any echo of him in your head at all.

“-or yknow if it’s not his schedule, it’s his body that’s about to quit on him. He’s probably giving his ears a break, if I had to guess!”

“...His ears.”

Kirishima looks up at you again, like his point was obvious, “Yeah. He can’t wear ‘em all the time– they’ve gotta charge, and if he’s sweat them out of their normal place, they pinch-”

Realization forces you to sit up straight, “Katsuki wears hearing aids?”

“Well he has to, with his quirk!” Kirishima tickled himself explaining so, “Kats probably blew out his inner ear in middle school, and it’s only gotten worse the harder he’s trained. He got fitted for new ones sometime last winter which he says are more comfortable than the last ones, but I dunno-” Kirishima cracked his neck in a roll, “I think he keeps' em in too long; and they drive him batty after a while.”

You didn’t like the sound of that. 

Down at your phone, you read the text message fully:

Backpack: Knee deep in dishes. What’s up pretty girl.

You decide to answer,

//Waiting on a call for a pickup, just keeping the couch warm~  Up for a call real quick?

‘Backpack’ takes a minute this time. You reason maybe he’s using speech to text given the perfect grammar.

Backpack: Can’t right now.

// Podcast instead? ((eyes emoji))

Backpack: Pass.

//Kiri misses you… ((sad eyes))

Backpack: No he fucking doesn’t. 

Backpack: Throw him a bone or try some fetch, he’ll be fine.

You don’t even laugh at the image with how much he’s deflecting talking to you. Laying back, your concern must be palpable because Kiri nudges you with his foot, and you stare at its buckles; anything from looking at his face.

“He never turns down food.”

“What d’you mean.”

“I mean, he’ll need to eat~” Kirishima’s never ending support coats his words. “-and I’d be shocked if he’d  turn his Darling DoorDasher down.”

You snorted, “Hush, you.”

Kirishima knew full well about you two- he’s not blind. He knows about dates one, two, well- every date, whether from Bakubro's lips or your own. But while it doesn’t feel new and raw… it feels tender and personal, what you share with your hero off the field– and you don’t want the bubble to burst between you and Katsuki. Not just yet.

-which is why, despite your firm concern deep in your gut reminding you of your plans throughout your shift,  you are nervous for your first time going to his apartment, unannounced. 

You knock four times, then back away to the near side of the door so it doesn’t hit you when it opens. A lull of ‘nothing’ hung in the air.. 

You reconsidered,  suspicion making you  bite your cheek: what if he can’t hear you?

You knock four more times, a bit louder. You’re cringing as you come back to your lean. Shuffling, you do indeed look like a food delivery service- an insistent-looking one, to the couple passing by on the ground floor who look up at you and likely wonder why you don’t just call this a ‘contactless delivery’ and jog on.. 

“Cmon, Kats…” you bemoan before steeling your nerves. You try just three more times, channeling your inner ‘Dynamight’ yourself and banging at a level that would take it off its hinges before cringing away to your waiting spot. 

Bakugou’s neighbor pops his head out of the door opposite you this time– nailing you with a reproachful look. Apologies mouthed, you smile demurely as the sound of a very aware Bakugou approaches now.

“I’M COMING, DAMMIT!”

The neighbor -perhaps wisely- shuts his door as he hears the door about to be unlocked. The way his eyebrows fly up, you infer that he does little to ever cross his hotheaded neighbor.

“ALRIGHT ALREADY- WHAT?!”

He's gorgeous, still. Pissy and caught off his guard, and donned headphones around his neck. But Bakugou double-takes to you with a frozen mouth, watching you push off the siding seemingly unaffected by his outburst and smiling casually.

“Hiya~”

His jaw flexes, but he forces his snarl away. Clearly conflicted at your presence, he pinched his brow.

"Said you were workin’ today. What’re you doing."

"I was in the neighborhood. Brought you a bowl~" you bribed the man's heart with the top way you knew how: a white and red ‘thank you’-covered baggie with the jackpot inside..

He likes kamameshi so he doesn’t hafta chew a ton. If his ear n’ jaw are tired, the softer the better. You can't go wrong with a nice bowl o’comfort…  Not like it’d last long with that guy’s appetite on a good day, anyways! Hah!

Hardly one to refuse you (just as Kirishima lovingly predicted), Bakugou stepped aside to let you in, granting you a gentle stroke on your back as you passed him..

Inside, you trade giving him the bag with his offering of your choice in houseshoes. On the far side of the room, the TV is on, including a scroll of subtitles. You look about and the place is spotless- he wasn’t lying about the rage cleaning.

"In the neighborhood, huh?" Bakugou called to you, dishing out the box of takeout while watching you get settled in.

You already said so, but made sure to face him as you speak- eyes all on you. You think that making a sweet delivery is reason enough for your presence here,

"Yeah~ the office drew a short straw on the menu this week, so I’ve been eating out more~ still don’t know how you can mess up potatoes, but sure enough, Feefee’s found a way~" you smile, coming up to his side with a little lilt in your step.

-but Bakugou just drones back,

"Overdue on our lunches, aren’t we sweets. We'll go do something this weekend."

Oh boy. You’re really bad off. A diss at the agency kitchen staff would never go unnoticed by the resident lunch snob, you think to yourself. You may not have lightning fast quips like Kaminari, but c'mon, that was a little funny…

Any other time that Bakugou would willingly suggest a date would thrill you. Maybe he’s even aware that he’s been avoiding you, and is trying to make up for it by suggesting a couple places offhand. But knowing the real reason behind the aversion, it doesn’t warm you the way it always does. 

His answer was typical and wasn't really related to what you asked at all, so you watch him take some bites and try again.

You trailed over to his dining kitchenette, taking a seat before him, tone lovely and appropriate for the distance between you. 

“You should have seen Kiri’s attempt to make my coffee order. Almost put a pump of salmon oil in instead of simple syrup! But hey, that just means job security for you, yeah? You’re so much better at it.”

You make eyes at the tv behind you as you speak- a test. 

He catches your intentional look, but he twists in his seat to glance. Then, focuses back on you and not making a mess of his dish, “Yeah, you can change it if you want.”

So he's got context clues down. Smart, but not convincing enough. Still not hearing. 

You try once more, sass tinting your voice as if you were teasing him privately.

"We adopted a purple hippo as an office pet~"

"Mhm," Bakugou picked up on the attitude, pausing and coming to your side with a bit of a swagger he hopes looks natural, "Sure been a crazy week. Missed a lot. We’ll get back to normal soon, yeah? Cmon, let's go watch somethin’."

Your hands fall to your thighs in a resigned slap. Sighing, you look to him desperately, urging him with more enunciation. 

"This is bad, Katsuki."

"What's so bad." Bakugou reads your lips and deflects.

You tap your ear with a sympathetic look.

– his demeanor changes. Horribly.

Bakugou steps away in almost disbelief, edgy and firm: a rolling boil starts to simmer behind his eyes. Turning aside, he huffs. Guilty. 

He turns tail to the kitchen, cursing under his breath to ‘give him a second.’ Bakugou pushes his stacks of cleaned dishes aside, making a clash of noise even you flinch at. It’s evident the sound doesn’t phase him. 

"No, you don't have to put them-"

"I can't fucking HEAR YOU, woman; give me a DAMN SECOND!!"

Coming around the island after him, you see he’s trying to get at the charging dock on the backside of his butcher block.

Watching him fiddle with just his right ear, he turns back and faces you prickly as ever, with arms crossed and barely attempting to rein in his anger.

You are sure now you've struck a nerve if he's acting like this around you. You tread carefully,

"I'm not here to just yap your head off, or commandeer your days off. I… was just concerned."

"About what? I'm fine."

"It's been five days,” you stress gently, “you didn't think I would think it’s weird if you didn’t answer once?"

"I answered you back every time," Bakugou raised his voice a tick, "Every text– never left you on read, cuz I know that feels shitty!"

"I know you did," you give him credit, "But it's– different when we talk, and you know that difference. It's just that you always call back. It just hasn’t felt normal -for you- is all. And I didn’t know there was going to be a reason like this that’s why."

"Well it's not like I could hear the phone ring anyway, so fuck me for that. How the hell’d you find out anyway."

"...I didn't know until Kirishima said something. I was telling him I-"

"Of course it fucking was,” Bakugou huffed again, “Well, it's none of his business, it’s not his problem, and he should kept his DAMN mouth shut."

To trash Kirishima like this -hotheaded and bitter- definitely feels more like an attack than he'd ever mean on a good day. Kiri is his best friend, and clearly close enough to have been there at the first fitting and have a picture perfect memory of it because it mattered so much to his buddy to be there for him. To not let it define him.

You can't pretend to know how sensitive of a subject this is, based on how confident Bakugou is with everything in life: even the litany of scars he wears outlining his hero work aren't off limits to discussion. But his answers come armed with cached ammo and heat.

You certainly don't think yourself entitled to everything about him, but you see now that he clearly hadn’t planned to tell you about his wearing hearing aids, or at least hadn’t intended for you find out this way… so someone had to take the brunt of his ire. You think to be grateful he doesn’t appear ready to snap at you, but you feel so much on the outside, it hurts to watch him sizzle. 

You try to take the pressure off the leak of the news, "Where's this coming from, hon?"

Bakugou grunts, looking back to you with a raised brow. 

You gestured between you just to talk with your hands a little, "Where  is  this  coming-"

"HELL IF I KNOW!” Bakugou shouts back, “It just IS. I just wanted- it-- Look, just fuckin’ drop it, ok? I will. be back. tomorrow. And everything’ll be like it was before you knew a damn thing, ALRIGHT??"

He's defensive and mean now; the pitch he never aimed at you before now entered the ring.

This was a line you were damned sure not to let any man cross.

"Ok, we're gonna try that again,” you spoke plain as day.

"Try WHAT again??"

"Discussing, not fighting." You stood firm at his counter. You will not be taking up a screaming match under any circumstances, and have to make that clear. "Coming up with an answer -together- because that's what we do when our backs are up against the wall... Not bite the hand that's trying to help. ‘Hit the problem, not the player’."

The words resonate with Bakugou, having been the one who shot that reminder to you not a week ago from his own mouth, and everything in that face full of fire wants to rear back– 

"-and before you say ANYTHING else... You will. not. talk to me like that."

You hear the hero’s palms sizzle, and see by the look of hatred he glares at them with that he clearly hates the feel. 

Bakugou lets out a growl then goes silent, obeying. He takes a little pace around, finally settling at the tall, bar-height stool, rubs his palms compulsively at his thighs as a reset, and pulls at his head until it lays dejected in those explosive hands propped up on his knees.

Your invitation to stand by him opens when he lifts his head and scowls behind tented fingers. Kindly, you make sure to stand closer to his right to give him the best chance of catching your words.

"Y'know I'm the last one who's ever gonna give you a hard time for this, don’t you?"

Bakugou doesn't answer, but you know he's listening.

"It's hard for me to take time off work too, I don't do it as much as I should. I know it's hard to leave work at work, and you did that on your own, in order to take care of yourself. You know your limits and that’s keeping you alive. That was really wise."

You see a little bob of the head by the slight jostle of his hair.

What bothers you here and now isn’t just selfish thoughts of ‘why didn’t he tell me’, but ‘why didn’t he tell anyone’? It’s clear by what you’ve learned that next to no one knows of his condition. That small aspect of this gives you a little comfort, but opens up a bigger dose of worry. Hearing impairment might be perceived by a bystander as a defect or weakness, but for the old friends and medical experts who surely surround him, you’d feel confident in Bakugou’s care to know he’d surely not think of himself that way. 

Surely not… surely not?

“But the thing is, if it's coming down to you hurting and needing help- or just, getting time away if that's what you really want, I can totally get that. But  between you and I? We've gotta figure out how you really feel about this, because it’s eating at you. Affects everything you do at some point, right? Can't have you working yourself to the bone here, overworking your senses out there, feeling like you can’t speak for days on end, setting things off, either. Even accidentally."

You swipe along his shoulder and arm sweetly, just for a little connection.

“I… I really do care about you, Katsuki. I don't want you to feel you have to manage it all on your own.  I want to be someone you can have in your back pocket for help- even with something like this.”

A ‘ride or die’ offer if there ever was one.

Bakugou looks in the direction of your hand. The smooth, unscarred hand you sport is so different from his own. Proof of the softness he lost a long time ago, his sunken eyes tell you. He blinks, and it’s a pensive, sad sight. 

 "M'sorry." 

The hoarseness in that proud voice fell hollow.

To anyone else, it may sound apathetic and half-assed, but Bakugou held so much ‘punch’ in his daily speech that you realized this apology featured the even breath of emotion. Restraint. His control. His gentleness.

“You can't help how your body works, Kats. You don't have to apologize for what's happening naturally. This is... just a side effect, unfortunately.”

“T’snot that,” he said limply.

A second attempt to finish for him, you try again studying the takeout boxes left open. “I.. get you not telling me, too. It’s not my business either.”

Bakugou shakes his head, with a dismissive jerk of the head altogether. Instead he lifts up, miserably.

"I don't talk to you that way."

Through a brief silent showdown, you accept his apology. As rough as he is even with his own mother, Bakugou has framed a different ring for you two to dance in, and harshness doesn’t belong in it.

"You don’t,” the agreement is established, “that's how I knew something's out of whack. Plus, I mean.. if you can’t pick up background noise, it must be hard trying to match volume in a space, right?"

Bakugou’s hoarseness fails him, falling to which air, "That's a shit poor excuse. You were right. I know the difference." 

Meekly reaching for hip, the man sniffles: pulling you the rest of the way between his bent legs. 

You step in and he crumbles into your core, strong hands encircling your hips. 

"I'm sorry," he swears.

"It's ok..."

Bakugou squeezes you in, "It's not. Ok. You should have slapped me for that shit.”

“I’m not doing that, either,” you get weary hearing how the guys rough each other up. You’re certainly not applying the same tactics to him of all people.

“Well, it’s inexcusable. I respect you more than to do that. Know better.”

"I forgive you, then."

"You shouldn't, so easily.”

Chin jutted on his still-bowed head, your answer comes simply but openly:

"...That's commonly called love, Katsuki. I love you. That’s what I do."

He's silent and frozen. The only sign of life is that he is -in fact- breathing still.

You said these, the magic words, in record time for anyone you've held affection for... and you didn't care. You loved Katsuki. Loved all of him. Even the prickly bits that threatened to square up at you like  a bull. 

Friendship was an surprisingly easy test for you two.

Partnership, battle-proven in the public sphere. 

But this is the final straw that you’ve been keeping safe and special. Telling Katsuki you loved him would push things to a deeper level than you felt the term ‘boyfriend’ afforded you both at thirty years old. In loving him, and no one else, you just wanted to call him ‘yours’ already and be done with searching for the One.

Since he doesn’t speak, you busy yourself elsewhere. He may not answer nearly as quickly as you given how on-the-spot he mulls in currently… but he hasn’t let go of you, which is a good sign. Good enough for you.

Your mind veers a bit in the quiet. You think to yourself about what feels nicest when you've had your helmet on too long; athletes deal with it, racers deal with it.. Anyone who wears a support item with internal padding giving cushion around the head is bound to force unnatural pressure on every angle for the sake of protection. 

On you, this tension lies just behind the ears. 

To soothe it, you’d usually draw a sun: a half circle design, zigzagging up and down with your fingertips, creating lines of relief along the tender sides of your head. It's to help the blood flow, and the scratches crackle nicely to the ear canal. Acts as white noise to the senses which is often a welcome change to the low thrum of a headache or grating road noise.

So with careful fingers, a mind set on comfort and a heartful of soft love for this man, you draw twin suns deep within Katsuki's hair.

…within seconds, he wept.

Bakugou softly cries and he holds you close. He turns in his seat, pulling you to fit even tighter between his knees with no gap of room between you.

When he can regulate his breaths down to calm blows from his lips, he shares more what's on his mind, down the space between you.

"...that feels really good."

"I hoped so~. So your head bothers you too, after a while. Having them in all the time?"

He turns his head finally to rest on one side, the functionally deaf side leaning into your chest... listening out for a heartbeat it seems.

“N’it’s all inside, so it’s hard to touch it unless I pump myself full of horsepills… makes m’stomach hurt."

From head to toe, he’s being honest about what this means for him. "The thing that’s meant to help, hurts? I’m sorry, hon."

He's still swallowing back his emotions, so you don't press for what he wants to say when it's clear he's focused on getting good rhythm back.

"My arm gets numb sometimes, too."

You're surprised at this, as more pieces fit together you didn’t know were necessarily missing, "-Yeah?"

"It's somethin' in the tendons. Can fight fine, but small moves are weird. I can't pick up a fucking piece of paper right. N'holding my phone hurts some days."

With a kiss to his hair, you see the teed-up ‘in’ to make him laugh,

"Well, who're you gonna be texting anyway, now that I won't be blowing up your phone?"

He tuffs. Joking aside, you hugged you close. “Gotta to back to that dumbass doctor, don't I."

"They can check your nerve endings with a scan. See if there's a reason for it."

Bakugou accepts this and continues his baring of his heart. He mentions old pains, some new ones, even some random details about which oscillating fans he likes on or off because of how warm he runs. Some of it relates to his work, some not, but you take it all in. Each little snippet he offers up reminds you of penguin pebbling. 

Satisfaction rang through you with the news that caused the biggest physical response in him: he confessed after all that he hadn’t wanted to ignore you at all, and it shows.

His hands massage at you– never getting enough.

“V’missed your voice too,” Bakugou’s voice finally seeps back in- that low, growly rumble of the chest you wanted to play on loop, “But I know I needed that break. I wanted 'em out, just for a little while. Even if I didn’t want to miss the good that comes from keepin’ em in.”

“That’s fine to want. Anytime you need.”

Bakugou turns exploratory with his hand. With the one not locked around your waist keeping you to him, he gives long scritches across your back, up front to hold your side- rooting him. 

“N’for the record, not everyone knows. It’s probably in a record somewhere, so it’s not really been taboo or anything. No one’s ever banned me from fighting; not yet at least. It’s not a secret. But… s’been so long, I’ve… never had to explain them to anyone. Sure as shit don't tell the public.”

Tender fingers seek out the soft inner side of your wrist, just a small touch.

“But you…I didn’t know how to open that up. Seems like a random ass thing to drop on you.”

You understand, and think it sweet that he at least had contemplated telling you at some point– but now, you could only look to his future and knew this would only help you moving forward.

"Nothing’s random if it’s important to you. So head scratches are a yes. Fast food is a yes, keeps you out of the stores. Anything else I should keep in mind to help?"

Bakugou thinks, but just holds onto you with a little nuzzle, "Not now. Yer doin’ it."

Happy and soft, you smile, "Okey~"

After a minute, he's matched your breathing, and you only move when he lifts his head to chin up at you from his spot. You smile expectantly seeing him less harsh around the edges and looking at you on the softer side of pitiful. Like he's looking to you for the solution-- neck bared and showing a rare vulnerability.

"You're my hero, Kats," you dote on him. Hands through his hair, scritching at the base, "y'know that right?"

"Damn right."

"And you aren't anywhere near throwing in the towel over this."

His smirk returned, "Damn right."

Bakugou’s neck received more soothing treatment again– making his eyes flutter, 

"Because my Lord Explosion has way too many baddies left to murder before he allows anyone get to his getaway driver, right?"

Finally showing signs of his spark back, Bakugou growls his pleasure. 

"Y'talking about murder does things to a man, baby."

"Thought it might... I mean every word though. You take such good care of me, Kats. Let me do the same for you sometimes, ok?"

"... Yeah alright," he finally caves easily with tepid palms smoothing over the back of your thighs. Still keeping you close, forehead falling to rest against you, you feel finally content that your presence has helped him. 

All your one-sided concerns now settled, you feel glad that your update to Kirishima later will share that Bakugou’s okay– and will likely add in a fair heads-up that he might still be pissy with him come Monday.

After some cursory scratches across his shoulders, you remember to hold out a hand by his eye level. Bakugou hums when he notices it, and raises his hand to hold yours-- only for you to dodge it, and keep it open.

Let me have it, silly.

After checking ‘what on earth you were getting at’, he tilts to see your fingers open again. The blond head of hair at your chest sighs, decides, then takes the lone hearing aid out and returns it into your open palm. With careful depositing, you set it on the counter behind you with the note-to-self to put it back with its mate– and return your hands to yours.

Bakugou centered himself by breathing you in. Once he had you snug in his arms again, he pressed a firm kiss through your shirt, hoping you felt everything he couldn’t say behind a tight throat. 

You thought it silly, but with him resting fairly tame right on your chest, you thought you'd try a little enrichment for him:

That stupid song from the pop-up takeaway truck was still stuck in your head, so you started humming it to him. 

With how high you stood above him doling out scritches to his temple, you missed how his eyes opened for a flash in recognition of today’s current brainrot love ballad; but you didn't miss how he pressed in closer to you and really listened.

[minniiaa]

Sorry if this seems repetitive but I haven't been active on social media in yearsss

Is it true that there's a lot of lawlu hate on tiktok and Twitter? I'm so confused because there used to be so much love for the ship back in 2017/2018 from my perspective (Amino era).

The short answer: yes and no. Let me start by saying I'm not the best person to answer this since I purely consume on twitter. I made my personal twitter in 2007 like it's everyone I've ever known irl and has nothing to do with shipping or hobbies and I follow approx 0 accounts related to anime, manga, or lawlu. I just looked up lawlu a few times and browsed and suddenly it's my whole fucking timeline and there’s no going back and now I have a lawlu twitter (This makes me very happy).

So if anyone else has an opinion on this that is more in the community, please feel free to comment away. Otherwise, below are my observations.

First off, there IS a ton of love for the ship. Most of what I see is beautiful art (they got the nsfw ayo), memes, fanfics, and headcanons just like tumblr. There are tons of comments of people swooning over these posts, Lawlu IS one of the most popular OP ships after all.

There's just a vocal minority that are very against the concept of shipping and in that subset there are those who are very against Lawlu. There people out there that will literally list accounts to block that ship lawlu or write lawlu DNI in their bios. The same can be said for other ships, it's not just this one it’s any they deem a ‘pro ship’ (problematic ship) and Lawlu is generally considered one of these. Below as is an example:

The biggest issues I’ve seen with Lawlu are the following 1. luffy is aroace and cant be shipped period 2. law groomed luffy and the age gap is gross. IMO I think most of these people are just infantilizing Luffy as some goofy autistic kid that doesn't know what love and sex are when in reality he's very self-aware and happy does not equal stupid. Also he's 19 he’s not underage. He met Law twice when he was 17, one of which was saving his life as a doctor and Luffy was unconscious most of this time. Let's not forget Luffy's a war criminal kicking the asses of people 4x his age in a pirate world, age doesn't really work the same as irl.

BUTTT Not that any of this matters because you can ship whoever the fuck you what because guess what? It's ~fiction~. I could rant about how people can ship whatever the hell they want all day but I'll save my breath for now. (my opinion of course)

Also there are just mentally ill people who enjoy telling others to kys if you like something they like do. Lawlu shippers are just their chosen target demographic. Creators get foul messages in their inboxes, rude comments, just general hater behavior. Twitter is just a firey cesspool and all fandoms have 'fans' who do nothing but hate. We live in an age of negativity where being a hater is the cool thing to do.

HOWEVER, I see more people posting about why those people are wrong and stupid than the actual negative tweets but maybe that's because I actually support the ship and the algorithm sees that. Not sure how twitter works, nor do I want to know about that dumpster fire there's a reason I came over to tumblr.

As for tiktok, I don't really consume a lot of tiktok so I can't speak on it besides seeing cosplayers and cute animations/art. I'll leave that to the tiktok people to look into.

For argument's sake, I went through the lawlu tag and picked some lovely tweets to share with you so you can see the toxicity for yourself. Sadly only 10 images per post but I think you get the point. Thanks for the ask hope this was informative. :)

[shrinevandal]

Initial thoughts on Double and Neoplasm - Who is guilty? What's true and what's a lie?

Hello! This is a (fairly long, sorry) post analysing the MV for Double, as well as Neoplasm, and what it means for Mikoto, Orekoto, a potential 3rd alter, their relationship as a whole, and Mikoto's judgement.

Note: I am a system myself, I am usually not very open about this so please don't ask about the details. But I think it's important to state that I do struggle with a lot of the same stuff Mikoto* does, and so my perception of it comes from a level of understanding that singlets may not have.

Obviously this contains spoilers for both Double and Neoplasm, I would recommend you watch/listen to both beforehand. This is also just my initial interpretation, I have purposefully avoided any other posts about it to make my theory/interpretation as straightforward and from-the-source as possible.

Some terminology notes: I will be using John to refer to Orekoto, as Es has so thoughtfully dubbed him. Also, if I say MILGRAM in all caps I am referring to the project itself, and if I say Milgram in title case I am referring to the location/entity which Es works for. I also believe the 3koto theory, which will become relevant at various points here. Any translators or sources will be linked at the end.

Alright, let's get into it. Music video analysis:

Double - Visual Motifs

There are a lot of visual elements to Double, which I will break down into different sections.

Phone (& Tarot)

There are two major instances of Mikoto's phone being important in the song: Right at the beginning, when he's getting several texts and then an incoming call from "Chief" (almost certainly his boss), and in the middle of the song, when he gets a call from his mom. In the beginning, Mikoto* doesn't even look at the texts, and when he answers the call, he seems to barely be listening.

Translation of the texts are as follows (thank you rochisama on wordpress!):

- Regarding the first draft you submitted today, I think option B might be the best after all, so can you remake it by morning.

- Also, I forgot to mention, but you made a lot of mistakes with the one we spoke about earlier, so make sure it’s all fixed too. This one also needs to be ready by morning, so I’ll leave it to you to get everything ready.

- Oi, get back here now.

- Are you going to abandon your duties?

There are also two fun little details here with the phone: His lock screen is a picture of the Hanged Man, the same version that was on his shirt in MeMe:

Also, His battery is at 29%.

Two of prisoner nine.

Later in the song, when his mom calls him, he immediately picks up, greets her energetically despite the bags under his eyes, and informs her he's doing well and not to worry.

"Oh, hello? Mom? It’s been a while. Yeah… well, I mean, some days are hard, but… I’m doing alright, don’t worry. How’ve you been? I’ll go home next time I get some time off."

He also hangs up very quickly, as if he doesn't want to talk to her. He gives her placating words and then ends the conversation as soon as he can.

According to his S1 Interrogation questions, Mikoto's family consists of him, his mom, and his younger sister. His parents are divorced. He gets along well with both his mom and sister, but also states that he can't let his mom worry. This checks out with him hiding the truth from her, as letting her know just how badly he's doing would certainly cause concern. Keep all this in mind, it will become important later on.

Eyes

I don't have much of note to say about it right now, but eyes are a pretty heavy visual motif throughout the whole video.

One thing I will say about it, though, is the large eyes across the whole screen show up twice: Once as orange, symbolizing John, and then as a grey-blue, symbolizing Mikoto.

Colors

There are five important colors: Blue, Green, Red/Orange, and Pink.

I'm grouping red and orange because I believe they both symbolize John. Blue is obviously Mikoto.

As I've mentioned, I am a fan of the 3koto theory- The visuals in the MV for MeMe, and even the composition itself, allude to 3 different entities (Music theory nerd here, hehe - I wanna write my own take on the 3koto theory eventually and talk about the way the song itself changes, but that's for another time.) And now in Double, it seems like there is still that imagery, albeit much less strongly than before.

So green, like in MeMe, symbolizes Midori/Midokoto/whatever you wanna call him. Pink is a little bit of a weird one, so I'll get to that in the moment. Anyway, let's start with some John moments.

The red glow in the back shows that John is the one fronting in all three of these shots, with Mikoto being asleep behind him in the second one.

An example of blood splatters with an orange tint. This is part of the reason I think both orange and red symbolize Mikoto, since they're so interconnected here. Also, as mentioned in the eyes section, the eyes there are very orange whereas John is usually associated with red.

Speaking of eyes,

Huge 3koto implications in a few frames from this shot. John's body flashes green at one point, and the background and fire-halo are green when John's eyes are glowing orange. In the next image, the body's eyes are scribbled over in green. This scene in particular is very interesting to me, with both implications of Midori's existence and his connection to the eye motif. It also calls John "savior"

Here's another notable instance of 3koto near the beginning, right after John throws Mikoto's phone. Notice the color progression in the scene. Green background with blue text, down to red background and red text. John is clearly being portrayed as an outsider here, with Midori and Mikoto being a duo.

Going back to blood splatters, there are various points in the video where the "inverse" of the blood is either green or blue. This also checks out with both red and orange being John's colors; Blue is the opposite of orange, and green is the opposite of red. This also doubles (haha) as another example of John being the opposite of MikoMido

The train itself has a lot of green highlights. When John stares out the door into the other train cars, it flashes green a few times. It's not pictured here, but the door also flashes a staticky pink once, and so does Mikoto's body earlier in that same scene I showed where it's fully green.

Alright, more on pink now. I'm actually not entirely sure what it may symbolise, but my main guess is it's Mikoto's victims.

Aside from the instances mentioned above, these are the most prominent pink scenes in the video. Similar to how orange was juxtaposed against both blue and green, here it's against blue. In context, these scene also seems to me like a switch, a realization of what Mikoto has done. A brief instance where his memories coexist with him, and he's horrified at his actions.

Double - Overall Analysis

As pointed out in the colors section above, Midori seems to be very present still. He seems to be haunting the video in a way, lying just underneath the surface.

A really important aspect of DID that hasn't been directly addressed by MILGRAM is the fact that it's caused by childhood trauma, usually around the ages 9 to 10 or younger. For those who don't know, this is because young kids have not fully formed their identity and sense of self yet. Usually, kids will eventually consolidate all their various parts into one, which becomes their sense of self. But trauma literally changes how the brain works on several levels, and for some kids, that interrupts the process of those parts fusing together. (This is also why there's discourse behind the idea of an "original" personality - Which one is the "original" between a pair of identical twins, for example? One cell divided into two, so really neither of them are that first cell.)

My theory for Mikoto's childhood trauma and subsequent DID symptoms, is that Mikoto in his current form is the body's "first" alter, and that Midori was the original host. (I have several reasons for believing it's this and not the other way around, but it's not that important for this post. But do think about, "I'm already the fake one.")

We know that John specifically was created as a result of Mikoto's job stress, meaning he was obviously not around when Mikoto and Midori were kids. By the time the events of MILGRAM roll around, it seems like Midori is completely dormant, or at least very rarely fronts, as John seems to pretty clearly imply just his and Mikoto's existence in both Double and Neoplasm. But if John wasn't around when Mikoto was a kid, there has to have been at least one other alter throughout the course of Mikoto's life. You don't just suddenly develop DID at age 23 without having had it since you were traumatized (Unless the MILGRAM team is just clueless about DID, which is possible too but imo they've done a pretty decent job so far so I would rather believe in 3koto. I have faith in them, maybe that'll bite me in the ass eventually, who knows).

Mikoto's childhood trauma is not very clear, but I think it can be one of two main things, and they are likely connected: Either something to do with his parents' divorce, or the reason he is so against worrying his mom.

Mikoto clearly loves his mother a lot, but it seems like doesn't trust her on some level. He doesn't want her to worry, which is an understandable emotion, especially if she puts a lot of pressure on him to perform well, which I have a feeling is the case. (Full disclosure, I could be projecting my own experiences here, because I have had these same struggles with my own mom pressuring me to do well in school and such. But I think it's worth mentioning)

Mikoto clearly hates his job, but he doesn't get a new one. Referencing the Interrogation again, while he seems to enjoy the career path he's on (ie graphic design), the job he currently has is purely to make money, and not for his enjoyment. He also mentions in the Interrogation that he hopes someday he can start his own indie company. In the real world, it's actually very common for graphic designers to start with jobs in advertising, because it makes a lot of money. Then once they have enough to support themselves, they go on to projects they're more passionate about. So Mikoto's reasons for sticking with his advertising job could be either to make money or to satisfy his mom, or both. Again, I could very much be projecting here.

Now onto his dad and the divorce. I won't lie, I am not at all an expert in Japanese law, but I'm fairly familiar with US law because my mom is a lawyer here. So how it usually how it works in the US is that parents divide custody by either working out a schedule or by simply choosing which kid goes with which parent, unless one parent is abusive, in which case all kids go to the non-abusive parent. In Japan, however, apparently the mom is the default parent that kids go to, regardless of other situations, except in some extreme cases probably. Again, not an expert, but it seems that even if Mikoto's mom was abusive in some way, the court system would still give Mikoto and his sister over to her, especially if her form of abuse is purely psychological with no physical evidence. So this is one possibility, but even if both parents were good people and separated on friendly terms, divorce can be traumatizing for kids. It's unclear at what age Mikoto's parents divorced, but it seems to have been long enough ago that he doesn't even consider his dad part of his family. Meaning it's very possibly the main source of trauma that cause Mikoto's DID.

Neoplasm

Alright, finally it's time for the audio drama! This is a much shorter section, but there's a LOT here and I'm really excited about this one actually, because it seems like a step in the right direction for Mikoto and accepting John. He doesn't know it's DID, nor does Es try to tell him, but he acknowledges it as "sleepwalking", which is still super huge. If Kotoko and Es ever choose to inform him, it seems like they have a much better chance at getting across to him now than when MILGRAM started.

John being much more present and coherent is also big news, as he has a full on conversation with Es, and even receives a name from them. Although he expresses concern about this and "wishes he had stayed a monster", I honestly think this is amazing for both him and Mikoto. Along with the sleepwalking analogy, it's progress on their ability to accept themselves and each other.

John also sheds some light on his and/or Mikoto's murder, claiming that there were several indiscriminate victims, and that his memories are also fuzzy, citing that it's likely because he had only recently been born. To me, the most interesting part of this is the fact that John's memories are not intact. While he seems to think it's just due to not really being used to being alive, I think there's another explanation for it. Fuzzy memories are a very common symptom of DID, and most notably happens when one alter tries to access another alter's memories, often because they're being blocked. Maybe in a similar way to how Mikoto doesn't remember anything? ���

Another important thing here is that John claims that he is the one who killed people. But the most pressing question is, is he telling the truth?

We know that Milgram's criteria for what counts as murder and who counts as the perpetrator is very loose; For example, Yuno's abortions are enough to qualify her, and Fuuta doxxing Killcheroy is enough to qualify him. So it's not a stretch to think that maybe John really is the killer, and that Milgram just picked Mikoto as the person to be judged since he's the "main" alter. But this honestly doesn't sit right with me.

If there's one thing we know for certain about John and his dynamic with Mikoto, it's that he would do anything to ensure Mikoto's safety. Notice how he was incredibly nonchalant about the murder until Es pointed out that even with psychological evaluation taken into account, the death penalty is still very likely for Mikoto. As soon as they allude to Mikoto being in danger, John's attitude immediately switches, claiming over and over, very relentlessly, that he was the sole killer, and that Mikoto is innocent. His frantic behaviour is a very clear sign that this is survival mode; why would he tell Es the truth if it could put Mikoto in danger?

All of this really goes back to the major differences between them; Mikoto is honest and uses humor to cope, John avoids being open and lashes out at people. Mikoto straight up blocks all the bad memories, John is aware of them but has a hazy recollection of events.

So while it's a possibility that Mikoto is innocent and that John is the killer, I find it much, much more likely that Mikoto did it and then blocked his own memories, and that John is lying about the situation to protect Mikoto. It's what he's always done, after all.

Final thoughts - Forgiven vs Unforgiven

This may be an unpopular take, but I think as of right now, my first instinct is to vote Mikoto as Unforgiven. I'd like to point out that there's a difference between Innocent vs Guilty, which is how the terms are officially translated, but in Mikoto and John's case I think they are interconnected. There are cases in Milgram where I think they're completely separate ideas and cases where I think the difference is moot, and MikoJohn definitely fall into the latter one.

I also am very conflicted on the concept of Metavoting; for example, Amane being voted Unforgiven was an incredibly stupid decision on the majority's part and I'm not afraid to state that. (Tbf Her mental state is delicate enough that forgiving her would also not end well, but lesser of two evils imo. But all that's for another time.) However, with MikoJohn, again, it actually aligns very well with my actual judgement. John very clearly states that it's his belief that forgiving Mikoto will reduce Mikoto's stress, and allow John to fade away. Whether this is a good or bad thing, or neutral even, is pretty complex honestly, but I think for me personally, I would view it as a bad thing.

Again, I am not very open about my system-isms, but I relate a lot to Mikoto in his current state of being unable to accept John's existence. I was in that exact same position once, and for me, accepting the existence of my alters was very beneficial to all three of us, and we are much closer now and less stressed overall. If John continues to exist, that means Mikoto will have a chance to figure things out and accept John's existence. But if John fades, he may be still caught in that perpetual state of half-existence, with Mikoto being unable to accept him.

So with all these things together; the fact that Mikoto is the one we are judging and I am pretty sure he is the killer, the fact that John may fade if Mikoto is forgiven, and how that isn't a good thing in Mikoto's case, and the fact that - I am pretty damn sure I want to vote Mikoto as Unforgiven. This isn't the be-all, end-all, of course. We don't know if John's prediction is correct about disappearing, we don't know if voting Mikoto Unforgiven will actually have the opposite effect that I hope for and drive him to his breaking point, hell we still don't know who did it. My opinion may change because again, this is just my initial thoughts. I'd love to interact with other systems about this and see their thoughts and opinions. Thank you for reading if you made it this far!!!

Translations, Resources, Etc

Chief's texts, translated by rochisama on wordpress

Interrogation questions, referenced from the MILGRAM Wikia. I'm unsure of the translator, sorry.

A/V of Neoplasm, edited by ac on youtube, featuring translation by onigiriico

kayanomikotoba's Triokoto theory (fun fact, this post is one of the main reasons I got into MILGRAM!)

A quick overview on Japanese divorce law, specifically by the US foreign embassy but it's good enough for my purposes

[goldenthreadstories]

Rules & Muse List!!!

{ HELLO! Welcome to my blog, I'm Klemmie. Nice to meet ya! Below is my muse list and my rules for mobile navigations! }

RULES

1.) Hey everyone, my name is Klemmie! I am nonbinary & my pronouns are they/them or she/her, I prefer they/them though! I am of age at 29 years old and have been RPing since about 2010, over a whole decade! Due to my age there might be NSFW on this blog at times but it will always be under a read more and tagged. On this subject, most muses are of age or have a verse where they are, please be aware of this and all main verse ages for my muses are on their bios on the character page.

2.) I am working a job which I usually only have a couple days off in the week and most evenings free. However activity and replies may be slow or low due to the nature of this being a multi-muse blog and my energy levels on any day. I will do my best to pop in at least once or twice a week with the intentions of queuing up any replies that I owe and once in a blue moon do I reply quickly and without queuing. I am also going to be selective on who I RP with at times so this blog is semi-selective, but if I am following you I am interested in writing with you!

3.) I am good with a mix of jumping into things without a plot; such as memes, open starters, random things are good. But sometimes I prefer plotting, even if only a little bit, especially when it comes to a pre-established relationship that isn’t the canon between two characters; this includes children of muses. I am okay with writing with said muses but I would like to have a bit of plotting to this as my version of the muse or muses as parents in question is not the one canon to yours as such, I need to make sure I know whats going on or all your gonna get from my muse is either ’ I have no kids ’ or i dont believe you, so i tend to avoid that if no prior communication has happened before hand! I do also like screaming about plots that both parties might want to do and discuss between us to work out a possible thread idea?

4.) This blog is multi-fandom, verse and ship. Meaning all threads even if tagged as in the same verse for a muse are their own story and thread between our muses, this includes for relationships, unless its a story that has been discussed and plotted between all involved. We are also Crossover-friendly here! I love mashing up fandoms and seeing what happens!

5.) As stated in my first ruling, NSFW themes and topics may be present, if I feel that the topic, even if it’s gore and not sexual nsfw, is too heavy or unsafe to just have out on display I will always put it under a read more and tagged the triggers like; tw;______

6.) Continuing with the point above, I will not tolerate certain things like underage sexual content or abuse or any nsfw content with minors - this goes for muns & muses and hanging, if you are ever unsure of anything please ask me. This is also a if I ever forget or don’t tag something that is a trigger for you please just message me and I will tag them accordingly.

7.) Unless your muse has some supernatural abilities or in my muse’s canon knows things about them, please don’t use information that is like their weaknesses and things like that in our threads until my muse reveals them or it is revealed in a thread, I class this as meta rping/writing/gaming?? and it’s no fun???

8.) I’m okay with multiple writing styles, I don’t have the need for anyone to match my length in replies, I know I can get lengthy at times, but as long as it’s more than one sentence or is appropriate for the type of thread we are writing together, because sometimes even I just want to do shorter threads, though I do prefer more written and longer ones.

9.) I’m more into story driven threads, ones that develop my muses and yours hopefully, ones that develop a chemistry and relationship between them. These are the kinds of threads I prefer.

10.) I’m open to all plots and relationships, just come hit me up and let’s see what we can come up with!!!

11.) For shipping I am a shipper of chemistry, I am here for the development. But if you feel like our muses are beginning to develop something, please message me and we can talk. I am always up for shippy things and all relationships, I prefer them to be developed and chemistry based. I will not force anything onto anyone if they feel like something isn’t there.

12.) I’m no biggie on spelling, grammar is also not too much of an issue, but a clear grammar is preferred. As long as I can read and understand it for a reply we are good. If I am having trouble I will ask you to clarify.

13.) When sending in an ask, please specify a muse, one thing on my anxiety is when I get an ask without some specifying, sometimes I will throw someone randomly if I can but if not I get anxious about it, so unless you state one or that its for any muse I will not answer it, unless I know you & muse or muses well enough to know who it’s from or I have come and asked you to clear up who it was for.

13.5.) So as a continuation to above! If you want to continue an ask into a thread please make it into a new post. I don't mind if you want to reblog it to save it. But if you wish to continue any asks into threads please make it into a separate post - I will do the same if I send in an ask to you and want to continue it!

14.) OOC =/= IC. I will not tone down my muses for anyone, but I don’t agree with their morals and choices all the time. OOC is not the same as IC.

15.) I have a habit of forgetting to reply to threads, if it’s been more than a week since I have replied, give me a poke. I may have forgotten or lost muse, this doesn’t mean we can start more threads and get back to it.

16.) Cool with anon asks & M!As. That’s all folks! Hope that we can write something together soon!

MUSE LIST

Sora Ryuu // the weaver of stories // fandomless oc // bio

Orion // demi-demon travelling trickster // fandomless oc // bio

Elliot Snow || Hades // fashionly god of the underworld // headcannon based // bio 

Beetlejuice // ghost with the most // canon-divergent // bio

Dean Winchester // hunter and older brother // canon-divergent // bio 

Merlin // worlds most powerful warlock yet big dummy // canon-divergent // bio 

Revali // prideful heart of the rito // canon-divergent // bio

Roxas // a heart of a nobody // canon-divergent // bio

Mark // grumpy end of the world survivor // resident enis markiplier // bio 

Edward Elric // shortfused alchemist // canon divergent // bio

Alphonse Elric // fullmetal heart // canon divergent // bio

Thirteenth Doctor // tinkering protector of earth // canon divergent // bio

Fizzarolli // lil clown imp guy // canon divergent // bio

Yusuke Kitagawa // flourishing artist of the phantom thieves // canon divergent // bio

Wheatley // Charismatic idiot android core // canon divergent // bio

Judai Yuki // travelling duelist // canon divergent // bio

Rias Strongfork Mizuhana // up and coming ceo & siren // canon divergent - borderlands // bio

Allen Walker // test muse \ work in progress // bio to come soon

Qrow Lamia // cottage witch for misunderstood pokemon // pokemon oc // bio

Howl Pendragon // travelling wizard & flower shop owner // canon divergent // howls moving castle // bio

The Doctor || Elias Mirari // Timelord Traveller & Student of Magic // OC - Canon based / divergent // Doctor Who / fandomless // bio

[david-goldrock]

I am thinking about them again, so let me tell you the story of Ayala

Ayala is not their name, obviously, none of them names in the story are true.

We met in the 4th grade. I just moved towns and went to this new school, but she wasn't in it. She was at the gifted kid institute. Once every week, they'd pull us out of the school system to let us into a world of happiness, challenge, and understanding. My best of days were from there, I have yet to have told you of the time I got high off of sugar there, but that's a story from another time, for another time.

It's the 4th grade, and I just meet the fellas, many of which I still keep in touch with.

She had glasses. she always wore the same blue hoodie, summer and all. She was always a bit cold. She had this weird bowl cut hair that never crossed her shoulders, as if she cut it the shortest she could without being an outcast. she was funny, she was brilliant, smarter than I am for sure. She beat me at math, and at riddles. She solved a Rubik's Cube while I was fiddling with the upper face. She could speak a bit of Chinese by the end of that year, I couldn't remember anything but my name, which was the same word

She was my best friend at the time. I didn't have a smartphone, so we couldn't text, only call. So we did, often. once a week, twice a week, thrice a week.

When we met, I'd hug everyone. we were still young enough so it wouldn't be weird. We were still young enough I couldn't control my strength, and would often chock my friends out. She was the only one who matched my strength. Some people appreciated the hug but wanted out, not her, her hugs lasted minutes, filling my inside.

The years went on and we grew closer. We made a religion, with goals, rituals and all. we made a plan to kill every adult in the world so only we will remain. We would make jokes, we would make games, we would recite plays, we would write poems.

6th grade. I got my smartphone.

We texted, every day, for hours. We didn't know what memes were back then, nor did we have some, but we would create jokes and tell each other. We'd challenge each other with riddles and philosophical thought experiments. We would plan actual experiments. I told her her experiments would almost certainly be illegal to perform, but she just brushed it off.

7th grade, the hottest class at the institute? gender studies. of course, it is, one day I'd perform the experiment we once designed: track the gifted kid population through a 10-year period and check how many are LGBT. in our institute it's only been 4 years, and we are already over 50%. I am one of the few cishet boys in the class, as to be expected. I challenge and ask questions, often. the class almost never advanced after the first slide, we would get caught up in discussions. the discussions didn't end at class, the WhatsApp group was fuming, always running, 19\7. The discussions didn't end at the group, She and I would chat to the late hours of the night, after the teacher couldn't handle it anymore.

She convinced me god does not exist, and that it is okay, because we had each other. It took her 30 minutes to turn me from a questioner to an atheist.

She was so smart, and so funny, and so... beautiful. She was stunning. No makeup, no fancy clothes, she didn't look like a traditional model, and my parents openly called her ugly to my face.

They could never understand, She was beautiful.

I fell in love. I didn't know it at the time, I didn't recognize the feeling, I didn't know it, but now I do. I fell in love, I fell hard.

Then 8th grade. Covid hits. my grandma dies. I don't know what happened at her side, but shit hit the bottom as well. We fell into a deep depression, both of us. There were weeks at a time I would feel nothing. We would message a lot over that time, I was really sad, she was suicidal.

At 9th grade shit hit the fan, she called me, she didn't call me often by that point, only texted, so I was ecstatic.

"hey david"

"HEY WHAT'S UP? HOW ARE YOU?"

"david can I ask you something?"

"Sure..... what is it?"

"if i'm gone, will you be okay with it?"

"WTF?! NO! WTF? WHY WOULD YOU SAY IT? NO! NOT EVEN AS A JOKE!"

"please"

"NO! AYALA! YOU ARE NOT DYING ON ME"

*hangs up*

I call her mother. It took me 15 minutes to call her, I didn't have her number, Ayala didn't give it to me, and none of my friends had it. I found it 15 minutes later in a "details" card I kept from a year before.

15 dreadful minutes

She responds, she tells me she's safe, she's with her, everything's fine, she knows she is suicidal, they are working on it, thanks for calling

A month later they tell me they are non-binary, and that their name is now Ash. I am shocked. I ask them if I could still refer to them in the female. They say that in hebrew, yes, but to use "they" in english.

Their messages get less frequent

2 months later I get a call from her mom. They tell me she tried to suicide. she took an overdose of pills, and then called the hospital on herself. She is fine, but she is put in the mental hospital for the time being. No phone contact

3 months later, I get a text. "Hi, sorry for being distant, I got my phone back, for a while. I wanted to tell you that the reason I called the ambulance is that I didn't want you to be hurt, or for my cat to be hurt"

They don't respond to any of my texts. I send them memes, and drawings, and get-well-soons. I pray for them every night. I get the occasional text, once a month roughly. "ha ha", "nice one", "use the masculine next time or this will be the last time I text". I didn't even know it bothered them

I finally changed their handle on my phone. I changed it to "Ash (male) GoodHuman". I knew their family name, of course, but it didn't matter, what mattered is that I miss the GoodHuman.

Then... a year passes, and a few months more, they haven't written a text in what seemed like forever.

"Hey david, sorry for ghosting you, It was too difficult responding, I love your texts, and I will try to text you more often"

so we continue to text. turns out, they cut their hair short. they switched to cargo pants and leather, no more blue hoodie. They wore a fedora now, and had new glasses

They had a new boyfriend.

I do not remember their name, I am afraid to go look if I'm honest. I don't like the guy, he seems way too controlling, and way too sure of himself, and way too... too dumb for them. But they were happy, and after the last couple of years, it's been good enough knowing that they were happy

They texted from his phone sometimes. he switched and talked to me sometimes.

I meant to sent her something by mail. I knew the city, but not the address, so I asked.

They told me "Oh didn't I tell you? My parents got divorced. My mom couldn't handle me being trans, my dad could. I live with him now"

They give me the address

It's so close. So absurdly close. Not in my city, but my city borders a field, and the field connects to another city. I lived on the entrance to the field, they lived on the other. Half an hour by bike.

So they invite me over, and I bike. I bike like mad, I didn't know the path, it didn't matter, I rolled through the thorns, they couldn't hurt me, we are about to meet again.

And we met, and we talked, and we watched a musical, and we played, and recited plays, and sand songs, and we riddled each other riddles, and we played philosophy, and it was suddenly like the old times came back.

I asked how was it going with the boyfriend. They told me they actually were polyamorous, and if I wanted, we could have sex right there and then, her father wasn't home.

I suddenly realized... the years have changed me. I say no.

It was getting late, so I went to take my bike and... the thorns punctured them. I didn't even think to look. I waited for their father to return to bring me home, and promised: next time in my house. They gave me an origami frog. I still have it

Their father came later. he drove me back, but by the time we got home, my mother asked where I've been.

I lied. My mother hated Ash, and still called them Ayala. I don't remember my lie, I am pretty sure she knew exactly what happened, but we never talked about that.

Stuff went well for a while, then...

We went into a gender studies discussion. It went as usual, then they said "yeah, but all men are rapists".

"I'm a man"

no comment

"Ash, I ask you to back down, this hurts me a lot"

They doubled down. I don't remember what they said. I remember I shed a tear for the first time since my grandma died and say "If you want to talk with me again, back down, if not, I will not engage again"

I assumed they'd back down in a day. In 2 tops. Every day I'd check the chat, still empty.

5 months later: "I am not backing down, but it shouldn't affect our relationship-"

I stop reading

I write some "professional speech" bs about me being able to accept an apology whenever they'd like, but I cannot continue like this, and wish them the best

This is the last message in our chat

Often I ask myself if I was too dramatic, If this was too much, If I should have accepted it for our friendship. I don't know the answer

This was a year ago. more, actually. They never came for the "next time in my house". The friends who keep in touch with both of us say they are still with the same boyfriend. they colored their hair. they are trying to pass school, but having a hard time with math.

I pray they are still okay

[booksofadventures-archived]

Rules & Current Muse List!

{ Gonna have this pinned here and just leave this for my mobile user peeps! }

RULES

1.) Hey everyone, my name is Klemmie! I am nonbinary & my pronouns are they/them or she/her, I prefer they/them though! I am of age at 29 years old and have been RPing since about 2010, over a whole decade! Due to my age there might be NSFW on this blog at times but it will always be under a read more and tagged. On this subject, most muses are of age or have a verse where they are, please be aware of this and all main verse ages for my muses are on their bios on the character page.

2.) I am working a job which I usually only have a couple days off in the week and most evenings free. However activity and replies may be slow or low due to the nature of this being a multi-muse blog and my energy levels on any day. I will do my best to pop in at least once or twice a week with the intentions of queuing up any replies that I owe and once in a blue moon do I reply quickly and without queuing. But just to make everyone aware that this is how this blog operates!

3.) I am good with a mix of jumping into things without a plot; such as memes, open starters, random things are good. But sometimes I prefer plotting, even if only a little bit, especially when it comes to a pre-established relationship that isn’t the canon between two characters; this includes children of muses. I am okay with writing with said muses but I would like to have a bit of plotting to this as my version of the muse or muses as parents in question is not the one canon to yours as such, I need to make sure I know whats going on or all your gonna get from my muse is either ’ I have no kids ’ or i dont believe you, so i tend to avoid that if no prior communication has happened before hand! I do also like screaming about plots that both parties might want to do and discuss between us to work out a possible thread idea?

4.) This blog is multi-fandom, verse and ship. Meaning all threads even if tagged as in the same verse for a muse are their own story and thread between our muses, this includes for relationships, unless its a story that has been discussed and plotted between all involved.

We are also Crossover-friendly here! I love mashing up fandoms and seeing what happens!

5.) As stated in my first ruling, NSFW themes and topics may be present, if I feel that the topic, even if it’s gore and not sexual nsfw, is too heavy or unsafe to just have out on display I will always put it under a read more and tagged the triggers like; tw;__

6.) Continuing with the point above, I will not tolerate certain things like underage sexual content or abuse or any nsfw content with minors - this goes for muns & muses and hanging, if you are ever unsure of anything please ask me. This is also a if I ever forget or don’t tag something that is a trigger for you please just message me and I will tag them accordingly.

7.) Unless your muse has some supernatural abilities or in my muse’s canon knows things about them, please don’t use information that is like their weaknesses and things like that in our threads until my muse reveals them or it is revealed in a thread, I class this as meta rping/writing/gaming?? and it’s no fun???

8.) I’m okay with multiple writing styles, I don’t have the need for anyone to match my length in replies, I know I can get lengthy at times, but as long as it’s more than one sentence or is appropriate for the type of thread we are writing together, because sometimes even I just want to do shorter threads, though I do prefer more written and longer ones.

9.) I’m more into story driven threads, ones that develop my muses and yours hopefully, ones that develop a chemistry and relationship between them. These are the kinds of threads I prefer.

10.) I’m open to all plots and relationships, just come hit me up and let’s see what we can come up with!!!

11.) For shipping I am a shipper of chemistry, I am here for the development. But if you feel like our muses are beginning to develop something, please message me and we can talk. I am always up for shippy things and all relationships, I prefer them to be developed and chemistry based. I will not force anything onto anyone if they feel like something isn’t there.

12.) I’m no biggie on spelling, grammar is also not too much of an issue, but a clear grammar is preferred. As long as I can read and understand it for a reply we are good. If I am having trouble I will ask you to clarify.

13.) When sending in an ask, please specify a muse, one thing on my anxiety is when I get an ask without some specifying, sometimes I will throw someone randomly if I can but if not I get anxious about it, so unless you state one or that its for any muse I will not answer it, unless I know you & muse or muses well enough to know who it’s from or I have come and asked you to clear up who it was for.

14.) OOC =/= IC. I will not tone down my muses for anyone, but I don’t agree with their morals and choices all the time. OOC is not the same as IC.

15.) I have a habit of forgetting to reply to threads, if it’s been more than a week since I have replied, give me a poke. I may have forgotten or lost muse, this doesn’t mean we can start more threads and get back to it.

16.) Cool with anon asks & M!As.

That’s all folks! Hope that we can write something together soon!

CURRENT MUSES

Sora Ryuu - fandomless oc

Beetlejuice - au and canon

Rias mizuhana - au borderlands [ genderbend of rhys strongfork ]

Emery din - oldest triforce bro / legend of zelda oc

Torin nayru - middle triforce bro / legend of zelda oc

Leon farore - youngest triforce bro / legend of zelda oc

Hades - mix of sources / headcanon based

13th doctor - mixed of au and canon

Percy parker - spiderman oc { currently being rewritten }

Roxas - kingdom hearts

Riku - kingdom hearts

Spyro the dragon

Judai yuki - yugioh gx

Revali - legend of zelda

Link - legend of zelda

Zelda - legend of zelda

Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist

Dean Winchester - Supernatural

Fizzaroli - Helluva Boss

Merlin - bbc merlin

Alphonse elric - fullmetal alchemist

Bill cipher - gravity falls

Eleventh doctor - doctor who

{ Muses may get added or removed at any time, but I will post when I've changed anything! }

GUEST MUSES!

Yukio Okumura - Blue Exorcist

[bobtheacorn]

For the writer goal ask meme: 🫘💥👾!

[from this!]

🫘 Spill the beans. What’s a new project you’re doing this year?

I got this twice, and I SWEAR I was gonna answer a lil bit differently bc it's fine to have multiple projects (but watch out!!!!!). But literally as I was typing this out I...... forgot..... what the other project was.... and I have ruminated on it for at least 30 minutes, so it's gone-gone. Sorry the brainfog is real y'all lmao

👾 Do you have any “bad” writing habits you want to break?

Feeling super compelled to write when I'm doing literally anything else, but then blue screening the second I sit down in front of the computer 💀 That's a tough one.

I'm also trying to break myself of "editing" as I write. Bc then I end up "editing" the same part(s) over and over again without making PROGRESS. I need to start cruisin it and not constantly look over what i've already got. I been trying to train myself outta this by writing on paper! Like the whole damn scene or whatever. And THEN as i'm typing it up, make edits and stuff.

even if I do read over it I CANT make edits on paper with the same ease as the computer so there's no point

it takes me longer to physically write it by hand, so i'm pausing longer to Think abt each sentence before I even commit it to paper

i've not got my face stuck to a screen half as much.

Genuinely and for real, feels good feels organic. And

Purple! Gel! Pens!!!

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you’re most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

I'll be real, I'm pretty excited to be working on 'project aster'. I love to be like "give that man a BABY!" just truly shocked it's sth that pulled me (as if I didn't start (and then not finish 💀) a "Donnie accidentally/on purpose clones himself and makes a baby girl" fic bc whoever the hell originally came up with that idea is a flippin genuis, I HAD to ride the serotonin wave)

I'm not gonna ramble abt PA rn bc i'm still cookin, but I WILL drop a snippet from the Dad-atello one, because I actually read through it the other day and it still makes me laugh:

.

"Alright, Dad," Donnie says, in all seriousness, "I know this is going to be difficult, but I need you to power through your depression-period memories and tell me whether I should start her off with baby formula or turtle food."

Splinter shrugs.

“I don’t know.”

“Dad, what do you mean you don’t know you literally raised four - count them, four - one, two, three, and four - mutant turtles!”

“Well, yes, technically,” Splinter fumbles. Donnie has to allow him that. Technically. “But that does not make me an expert! Besides, this one is baby-shaped! You were all shaped like slightly-larger-than-average turtles with weirdly long and adorable limbs!”

Donnie throws his hands up in despair.

"Of course I would perfect the turtle-human hybrid!"

Splinter goes on, clearly wracking his brain, “I don’t think I started feeding any of you people food until Raphael was walking."

"Frankly, I’m afraid to ask, and yet I must: What did you feed us, Dad?"

"Mostly, bugs and fish and dog food.”

"Is that why Mikey barked for the longest time?" Raph asks cautiously.

"We'll never know," Mikey says blithely, because even at twenty-two he is still the Youngest Sibling and if he doesn't say something Unhinged to throw them off every once in a while he isn't living up to his full potential.

Leo frowns at him.

Donnie drags his hands down his face.

"Dog food, Dad…"

"I was a homeless, freshly-mutated single father of four strange little turtles….!! If Leonardo had not spoken almost immediately, I would have raised you all as pets!"

.

[mr-chatterboxs-column]

I was looking for an old post and realized that I never did a five-star film retrospective last year, and I did find that a fun list to compile, so here's the movies I rated five-stars on letterboxd for 2023 and 2024 under the cut:

new to me, 2024:

Strange Days

Memories of Murder

Werckmeister Harmonies

The Zone of Interest

Poor Things

A Matter of Life and Death

The Train*

Return to Reason (the sequence of four short films by Man Ray that was recently re-restored, not the individual short film of the same name)

(and, well, Band of Brothers, but miniseries, not movie)

*I'm sure I've seen it before, or most of it, in passing when I was a kid and watched TCM all the time? but definitely not recently enough or with enough adult understanding of the historical context that it didn't feel completely new to me.

new to me, 2023:

Jaws (I know, I know. Yes I had really never seen it, as far as I know not even part of it. I wasn't intentionally not watching it, it just never came up?)

In the Mood for Love (this was maybe more intentional, I did know it would be incredible and really appreciated seeing it for the first time in a theater)

Lost Highway

Locke

Killers of the Flower Moon*

Junk Head

Tampopo

*the only five-star rating I don't remember clearly enough to feel confident I'd stand by the rating; on a rewatch I suspect it might be more a very respectful 4.5

Obviously slower movie years for me than the outlier of 2022, especially 2024. I always feel like I'm rating things overenthusiastically in the moment, but I do still rate fewer things five stars than 4.5, and fewer 4.5 stars than 4. I just tend to watch movies I expect to like, I think. Once again I nearly never reviewed a five-star movie (and didn't review that many movies, period, in these years) but the exception was Lost Highway with which I had. uh. a very strange viewing journey. Tampopo is probably the highlight first viewing, went to it on a whim after I'd thought the trailer looked fun and it absolutely blew my mind, bought the Criterion release and everything.

Five-star rewatches:

The Hobbit (Rankin-Bass Hobbit my beloved 💝 twice, see below)

All of LOTR (this was one of my closest friends first viewing of the extended edition trilogy, so I had to watch The Hobbit beforehand as a prequel for myself, and then afterwards as an emotional palate cleanser with her and my other best friend)

The Thin Man

Penelope (ALWAYS the extended edition with more swearing)

Inside Llewyn Davis (I only logged it once but based on the review I'm pretty sure this was at least three times)

Some Like It Hot

Blood & Donuts

Face/Off

The Wicker Man 1973 for May Day of course

Lawrence of Arabia

The Crow

Arsenic and Old Lace

Moonstruck

Penelope again

The Nightmare Before Christmas

The Philadelphia Story

Moonstruck again (pretty sure this was at a full moon party?)

Bright Young Things (oh god. this was a palate cleanser for me after watching Saltburn made me think, oh, maybe it's time for me to try watching the modern Brideshead Revisited movie, which was A MISTAKE. but BYT is still a perfect Waugh adaptation)

Brazil

Blade Runner (my first time in theater I think?)

Some Like It Hot again

Notorious (first time in theater, seeing *that kiss* on the big screen...)

The Wicker Man 1973 for May Day again

Diva

Pride

The Crow again (with a group, I suggested it and nobody else there had seen it, which was a great experience)

Arsenic and Old Lace again

Good Will Hunting

I have still not compiled the Official Cageospective but I think at this point all the groundwork has been completed, at great cost to my personal reputation, if by personal reputation you mean "likelihood that every friend I have will send me memes and news related to Nicolas Cage and also in one case point out a stranger at an art fair to me because they were wearing a jokey Cage shirt". I inadvertently revealed to my best friend that the document I keep, listing all the movies that fall under the metrics I was using to choose which to watch, is called (like, literally the file is saved as) my "Cageography" and he thought that was unspeakably funny. I think Renfield and The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent were the only new-to-me Cage movies in the past two years, actually (I know. Not even Dream Scenario or Longlegs, somehow, really), so now I'm back to having some catching up to do re: actually well-reviewed movies that deserve to be included. Some nepo babies just can't take a break!

[inhibitionfreewriting]

okay so, i definitely got off track of the initial way i planned on writing this, but i got into a groove and... just gonna put it into (at least) 2 parts.

jerma x reader x ludwig (part one)

it starts totally innocuous, you're helping on dollhouse and end up just getting in with the two of them. you click at one of the end of day get-togethers. jerma makes you laugh first and then lud comes over to investigate what's going on and they've both got you doubled over. you end up getting food together and just spend more hours than you should have talking. by the end of the dollhouse event, you're in a group chat with the two of them and by the end of the first week of it existing, it's... always active.

you start to send good morning and good night messages, talk about your day even when they're busy and when they catch up on the memes and stuff you send. they're both busy bees so you know they get back to you when they can, but at some point it starts to make you sad when it's got long periods in between. not just that platonic sad but... longing. you're a little embarrassed over it, but it doesn't really come to an apex when you send a very tired 'ok love you guys im goin to bed'

it makes them both panic separately for the same reason but they don't talk about it on the side. ludwig replies immediately without thinking, 'love you 2, sweet dreams' and jerma replies 49 minutes later after trying to not overthink it (but did for all 49 minutes) a very simple 'love you'. he thinks about deleting it too, or changing it, but he thinks it's better not to and manages to go to bed after some tossing and turning. (and putting on something mind-numbing on his ipad) but that first time comes and goes and it just becomes routine to say it all the time. all the time.

it's not until you go hang out with jerma again that the energy is just.. different, not bad, just different. maybe even a little awkward. your hands are a little sweaty but you two spend the entire night playing dumb shit on the switch and you cook dinner together and somewhere along the line you're sitting next to each other and blurt out that you both miss Ludwig and then laugh and are like haha y-you too? but there's the electricity between the two of you too, and he invites you to stay the night "not like that of course... i mean unless you-" "yes" and you share your first kiss and it's fun and you still just...

you're both still thinking about Ludwig, and he knew you were hanging out but didn't realize it was a date and he feels this empty pit in his stomach because the two of you aren't talking to him even though he knows it's because you two are hanging out. and there's this seed of not jealousy but sadness because he isn't there too.

ludwig comes out with an awkward confession after you and jerma start to hang out more and more. "kinda hate when you guys go on dates tbh" tone is impossible to read through text and you prod him on why and after the conversation starts to get heated you open a call, and it. for what it's worth, the civility between you and ludwig lasts exactly 3 sentences and jerma is really trying to just mediate but once you both start yelling it's impossible (but he definitely feels like he's listening to two children bicker).

"it was one date and we've only seen each other twice! out with it, why is it such a problem only now?? it was two days where you were busy anyway so it's not like we skipped out on a night time video call!"

"that's not the fucking problem!"

"you didn't say anything when jeremy asked you if it was okay?? he asked you!"

"because it's not just you!! it's both of you, both of you are the problem."

"what does that even mean?? how is it--"

"wait, both of us? stop let lud talk"

you stopped out of indignance, almost throwing your headphones down instead of listening to whatever he had to say but with your arms crossed and mouse hovered over the leave call button, you stayed. you couldn't tell if ludwig had walked away from his computer or if he had muted his microphone and just gave up on talking. jerma breaks the silence first and cracks a half hearted joke, "i-i think this is the longest he's gone without talking to us. i don't think we've ever heard him this quiet for so long" it gets the driest chuckle out of you, almost like a pity laugh, but ludwig groans loudly and it genuinely cracks you up further. you can almost see it as he sighs, too, the way his hands are braced against his forehead and it's wrinkled with frustration.

"i fucking... it feels like shit knowing you two are hanging out and i'm all the way in los angeles. it's not just... one of you, it's both of you, i don't know. saying that out loud feels so fucking dumb." but you both scrambled to interject, explaining that you both felt that way too. neither of you knew how to bring it up and that it had been plaguing you especially hard, feeling like one side of the feelings were fake, both jerma and ludwig were scared that it would wildly change the dynamic the three of you had.

but it didn't.

[anonymousegeek]

my experience as a newly came pagan/baby pagan over the past like 3-4 days feel so unserious because so far, THIS happened;

- I gave offerings of a swiss mushroom burger i had to both hekate and apollo

-hermes let me put sour candy into his altar

-both set and hermes let me put a del scorcho hot sauce packet into their altars

-My altar for hermes is in a FUCKING DRAGON BALL Z box I had that had some replica dragon balls that I lost (i only have found balls 1, 3, and 4)

-My altar for Set, THE FUCKING ANCIENT EGYPTIAN GOD OF CHAOS, WAR, AND STORMS? lisa frank box i had since I was a kid. Some things in there include a red pair of sunglasses I got during red ribbon week, horror movie stickers, a dragon ball z collector card, and a nearby red DND dragon

-I have to keep my altars in boxes btw because my dad is a hella religious Lutheran, and my mom, she's an open minded christian. She was pagan at some point, but not like as in multiple gods, more so with believing in life after death? idk

-Apollo wanting a charmeleon card and one of my dragon balls, also PERSEPHONE WANTING MY BORUTO FIGURE???

-SET LIKES MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE??? APPARENTLY???

-Loki making me make his digital altar mosTLY MEMES 😭

-My mind feels more clear, but I feel like they talk to me thru my mind and it messes with my maladaptive daydreaming qwq

-I asked them at one point if i should draw and they said yes, and i ended up drawing art of me x barnaby from Billie bust up

-I infodumped to the gods TWICE. about both FNAF and Dandy's World (they did NOT get fnaf lore) (same)

-I did some divination on a voice call with a friend, AND STOLAS (YES. THE DEMON SON OF KING PAIMON) WAS MAYBE NEAR THEM????? LIKE I ROLLED A 3/SOFT YES AND I ASKED IF A DEMON WAS NEAR AND I ASKED IF IT WAS STOLAS AND I GOT A 2/MAYBE 😭

-I got enough signs from other people that THEY were being contacted, and I felt that I was being contacted, and I started FEELING A PRESENCE? LIKE A WARM, COMFORTING ONE? and it drove me crazy the days of the election until I decided 'okay, sure! yeah, the gods are contacting me i guess! i've gone nuts!'. I was in fact not going nuts, and it was confirmed that it was a sign they were reaching out. APOLLO WAS REACHING OUT TO ME THROUGH FUCKING TIKTOK.

-While making Persephone's altar, she wanted another thing. I used my necklace/pendant as a locator (finding the way to the boruto figure, a rolled 4 letting me know she wanted it) and as a mea s of word working (she looped over the h and y keys on my keyboard, as a hint to hymns with another rolled 4)

-I use a single pair of dice for all my dice divination, and I address each god/goddess /deity/demon/what-have-you i wish to ask

-Loki fucked with me by going iver random keys when I asked Set which slipknot song i should listen to while I worked on my fanfic. He did this by going over random keys and making me think it was an actual song name.

-Religious guilt and fear. I was so, SO scared of encountering a demon or a being from the circles of hell and pissing off the archangels/jesus/the Christian god so much because I GREW UP MOSTLY CHRISTIAN AND LATER BECAME ATHEIST FOR A SOLID 4-5 YEARS, AND DEMONS WERE LIKE, SHOWN AS REALLY BAD WHEN I WAS YOUNGER??? AND LIKE, I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BE THAT SCARED BECAUSE IT'S MORE SO A 'fuck around, find out' THING WITH THEM, BUT STILL... PART OF MY BRAIN GOES "ooooooh, SINNERRRR!" AND THEN I FEEL BAD 😭

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

So shit like this, shows me how inept people that vote blue are. You all think, "Well this thing is called "x" so it must be so". It's literally this meme in a nutshell:

Then there was the, "Inflation Reduction Act" which itself did almost nothing to reduce inflation and the only projected loss of inflation would be by a % and only by 2027. Trump was a New York Democrat. And he explained why he didn't run as one several times. And the reasoning was because the Dems would not have let him win. The same way they didn't let Bernie win. And policy wise, Trump and Bernie were not super far off. It's why when Bernie got gutted during the primaries, a lot of Bernie voters went Trump.

And just because Trump doesn't align with the new socialists doesn't mean he's not still a Dem at heart. Just means the modern Dem party keeps moving further and further left. Which if you want tyranny then keep voting for them. You'll get it soon enough. Oh and the prospect that I am "Only critical of Dems" and I "Promote Reps" is fucking stupid. I'm far less critical of Reps because I KNOW they are mostly stupid. But I will let the right criticize their own, and when Reps do something I'm very much slighted by I talk about it. Like when I complain about Abbott. And the only Reps that I promote are more libertarian party members while only being republican in name. And that's both Rand Paul and Ron Paul. Also Tulsi is a Dem I like. But I guess she's not Commie enough for your tastes. Because she's anti war and the modern dem party is extremely pro war.

Fact is. I only like Trump in so far as he protected our borders, pushed the Abraham Accords, and did his best with LYING generals at his side to pull us out of wars and bring our troops home. Of which I am ALL for because I'm a prior. Get my brothers and sisters out of these pointless wars. And out of these dangerous war torn countries that never stop fighting. Trump is a crass man who's self important to a fault. I'd never deny that. He has done some not great things in his past. But did he fly to Epstein's island dozens of times? Not according to flight logs. Bill Clinton on the other hand took several trips to said island. Bill Gates took several trips to his properties and I believe the island once or twice.

If you are going to come at me saying, "TRUMP'S RUNNING AS A REPUBLICAN SO HE"S NEVER BEEN A DEMOCRAT!", Well sorry just proves you can't parse words. Just because you don't see him as one doesn't mean he isn't one. He's not currently threatening to ban abortion. Most Reps would be. He's not threatening to ban Gay Marriage. Some Reps would be. Hence you miss the point. IE: You miss the forest for the trees. Reps are voting for Trump because the economy was good under him and he didn't want communism or socialism. And if you believe that there was no election meddling going on, you clearly didn't read Time Magazines, "The shadow campaign to save the election". In which they outline a number of things they did behind the scenes to make sure Trump could not win.

Many of which would be LEGALLY considered election meddling. Like IDK. Hiding the Biden laptop under "Misinformation". Which is funny because most modern "Misinformation" as reported by Dems and Mainstream Media just means, "4-6 months until proven true". Like the machines that DID flip votes. But the "Fact check" websites will tell you, "Well yes it did happen but we caught it and fixed it". Ok.......so it happened, meaning it could have happened to other machines, and no investigation was allowed to happen on those machines beyond, "Here you can look at it physically sitting on a pallet in shrink wrap and that's it". Yeah that's "Investigating" surely.

Yeah, if that had happened to Dems you'd still be shrieking to this day about a stolen election. But because you won, any and all funny business is reasonable and fine and shouldn't be investigated. Which tells me you don't care about fair elections you care about power. Because if you did care about fair elections, you'd have voted against policy changes that were against constitutional law. But unlike me (not a rep) you don't have morals. So long as you win and wield power like a weapon you don't care how you get there. And if that's the Democrat party I want nothing to do with it ever. Real things happened in 2020 that never got investigated. You don't give a fuck. Trumps voted blue most of his life. But in no true scotsman fashion, he's "Not a Democrat because he's not aligned with my idea of modern Dems". Spare me.

All communists should be purged. You aren't people so much as I'm concerned. You're a cancer on this earth. And modern Dems are basically Communists. Certainly not all. But far too many.

Oh and "Our enemies are trying to get Reps elected. Oh so Reps like Bernie Sander and Jill Stein?

And this is only one report. Several others actually claim that Hillary was in fact aided by Russia herself. Sadly the MSM doesn't care about it and buries it because it's damaging to their narrative of "Trump is Super Hitler". Get over yourselves. Your party is currently flooding the US with illegals and putting US citizens on the back burner.

[sculptural-renaissance]

SGU Week Day 4 (oh are we still doing this): Favorite shi

Eli and Ginn were precious, and it's criminal that we didn't get more of them. C r i m i n a l . To say nothing of that double-fridging (that they did twice... ffs).

I like to think that Ginn would be all in for going to earth, and she eventually gets her wish after her file is removed from quarantine (with a sweet clone body grown from DNA harvested from her old clothes, which were initially saved to be backup clothing for some of the ladies on board Destiny, but later saved for cloning purposes [yes I'm aware this means her body would have been buried in some state of undress, but it was off camera anyway so it's fiiiiiiiine]).

Y'all say what y'all like about Family Guy, but the cutaways have tons of cultural references (I am frequently "Peter Griffin Explains the Joke when I watch with my husband). My thought is that Eli shows Ginn episodes of Family Guy to teach her about earth, which you can imagine leads to some pretty ridiculous misunderstandings.

Please do not enjoy this excerpt from The Eli Wallace Guide to Getting a Cute and Smart 3D Girlfriend

A while back, whilst hunting for meme fodder, I found a mean article written back around when SGU was airing. The gist of it was basically that Ginn was too "pretty" for Eli, and that a "schlubby" guy like him didn't deserve to be with someone conventionally attractive. Idk, maybe I'm old, but I think they're around the same level of cuteness. Also, bear in mind that in the past, having some extra weight was considered a sign of wealth and a positive trait. Eli's body type could easily be a selling point for Ginn, who is apparently interested enough in leaving the Space Cartel that she's willing to risk her life for it. To her, Eli is sweet, smart, cute, and her ticket to a life so cushy that luxuries she can't even imagine are considered commonplace. He's the entire package. 🧡

Look, I'm not creative. This is verbatim from Family Guy, but it's funny as hell, so it's going in the post.

This is Vital Information, mainly because Eli is definitely dragging her to a comic con at the first opportunity. God, imagine being an alien and going to a con, and it looks no different from that trading post you used to go to every month

Gotta learn about Halloween, AKA the best holiday! I do wonder what kind of holiday celebrations they might try to have on the Destiny in some hypothetical future where they can get supplies from earth, especially with all those Lucian Alliance members from various other planets. Obviously not something worth showing in a show that was mainly focused on survival, but it's a fun idea for fics.

And yes, at this point, Family Guy is the only TV show Ginn knows, except for the ones they mention on the show.

Please enjoy the references to Mean Girls and Parks & Rec.

Apparently raisins are a universal constant, too, which is good because I love them and will tolerate no raisin-slander on my page

"Shut up, Eli, you don't have a band." Fr tho "Spaceship Full of Bees" is an awesome band name

This is actually one of the shorter "episodes" I've done, in which Dale gets the bright idea to keep bees on a spaceship. I looked it up, and you can't keep honeybees inside, not even in a greenhouse, because they need more space than that to roam around. Maybe they could genetically engineer some that are suitable for pollinating weird space plants on a starship. No way will that hilariously backfire. Ginn is clearly familiar with the steroid bees, so she will probably think they're normal.

Dale's other idea is to get chickens. Maybe they can get some domestic space quail instead. They're smaller.

"So after we finished Family Guy, we watched some of The Cleveland Show. Then, when I took her to the zoo, she threw a beer into the bear enclosure, and that's how we both got lifetime bans from The Cheyenne Mountain Zoo."

But yeah imagine learning all this random pop culture info from some raunchy cartoon so you can fit in on an alien planet, but no one bothers telling you that the second-most common pet on that planet can't talk. Good luck to everyone when Ginn meets a parrot...

[flo-the-hagfish]

I'm going to review furry memes.

yes, i stole someone-else's compilation. i am not a furry. i simply don't care enough to do it justice.

0:14 - i shall harvest the body parts myself. [equips cheese grater]

0:23 - customer: "i want a shower scene." me: "only if the shower room has tits and is on fire." customer: "ah you're metaphorically talking about the people in the room." me: "no. no tits for the people in the room." customer: "no fire?" me: "no, the people are definitely on fire."

0:54 - i have all the thoughts. head bursting with knowledge. i just build 7 villages in 7 days. they keep testing my blood for drugs. they can't believe it keeps coming back clean.

1:06 - be me: be wearing a sanding mask 24/7: takes mask off. "i'm going to climb a mountain!" one mountain later: "back in time for dinner." friend: "oh so you didn't do the mountain thing after all then?" me: hands them binoculars and points at the mountain. there's a flag of a photo of myself climbing the mountain. me: "i had to do it twice, once to pose for the image and then to put the flag up after 3D printing it back home."

1:12 - me on gas after losing my arm in a gas explosion: "this stuff ain't shit. drinks 3 monster energy drinks." doctor: "has the pain subsided?" me: "nah, it still hurts like a bitch. by the way i came up with a better design for the hospital bed in the time it took you to come back." doctor: "i was only gone 5 minut- holy crap, these are actual viable blueprints." me: "i've already 3D printed you a better key handle for tilt lock. here." doctor: "that... actually works better. what business do you work in again?" me: "i'm a writer."

1:28 - i look down at my Chinese grass beer. "did someone jizz in every can of this brand or is it supposed to match the one from the furry yiff?"

1:43 - first commissions i received: "nipple... mouth..." "i want a bitch named piss who's secretly the Dead Sea." "Moomin Slenderman" "dirt... bone..?" "a being of nothing. a vacuous space. but not like a black hole. just like the more open part of a room where there's less clutter. with tits." my commissions now: "mount ararat" "a clown with balloon boobs" "jack black as steve from the minecraft movie" "a toaster who identifies as a protogen" "clothes from the soup store" bro, my followers fell off.

2:03 - if that's true, y'all better run.

2:32 - "good night hagfish." you didn't even notice i was here until i woke up 2 minutes ago. i'd get the wolf to back me up but i already ate them.

2:44 - i'd straight up peter if he was single. i enjoy a challenge.

2:53 - wow. it's that easy.

3:08 - i love being earless and bald and covered in slime. wait, where are you going? what's so weird about it? it equates to the same thing.

3:21 - [laughs in contra-context art technique]

3:23 -

3:33 - thin on content over there huh?

3:42 - are they quoting me? i'm a girl that licks pussy. why the gender swap?

3:53 - enemy player used fire. i am unharmed. enemy player used fire. i am unharmed. [on their stream its like an epic battle] me: "bro, just use anything but fire." [they refuse and the epic fight continues]